farlanhardy.net The Wayward Way - News - Contact - Home - About My Dad's Music - Arifah's Site - Buy CD Extracts From "The Wayward Way" A novel by Farlan Hardy The Wayward Way Book Three King of the other thing... OGS's Place. OGS place was in the country side, Shakespeare country it was, a mansion about 20 bedrooms and big halls and rooms all over the place, gardens an all. OGS seen us coming and was down em steps in a flash, "Ah, me little Farly" he sez embrassing me arab fashion. Same with Terry, cept course he weren't as big as Terry. He was very excited, show'd us over is place, built in 1805 he sez, ornamental gardens bits a folly about the place, and see, see an artificial lake, bleeding brill that. And over there in them trees, a temple ter Diann. "Hah", sez Terry, "Is she ear, I feel like a good shag". OGS Laughed at that. "Christ Terry old son, yer Druids are a randy lot a bastards". "S'only nature" sez Terry defensively "Quite so, Quite so", sez OGS. "Now", he sez, "let me show yer ter yer rooms" "Hay OGS old son", I sez "do yer own this ear place?" "Yes Yes" sez OGS blissfully "s'all mine, but of course", he sez "I only need it so you guys can come and visit me, and I can give yer, yer candle flames worth a light." "Right" I sez. "Where'd yer get the bleeding money for a place like this?" sez Terry. "Generous benefactor" sez OGS happily. There were about sixty or so people that first weekend. OGS was over the moon. "Never hoped ter get sa many", E says humbly. "Lovely, lovely". "So", says Terry, "what's the set up, what happens now?" "Yer", I sez "We're dead curious what's the scene, when der we get our bit a celestial light hay" "I dunno" sez OGS, "We'll ave ter play it be ear, I'm new ter this gooroo game yer know", still he sez "I thought we'd start off with a fancy Dress Party tonight sort of celebrate, yer never know, might even get a few a them beings from the Improbable Kingdom ter come". "Oh", I sez "do you think they will?" "I think they might" sez OGS, "I invited em". "But will I be able ter see em if they do come", sez Terry looking down the length of is pipe at OGS. "Oh yes", sez OGS, "If they come yer'll see em OK!" "Now", E sez, " you'll be sharing a room hope yer don't mind" "seeing as ow the rooms as big as a bleeding 3 bedroomed house I don't think I'll mind", sez Terry. "Me neither" I sez. "See you guys later", sez OGS, "Fancy dress remember 7 o'clock main hall, cloath's in there", E sez waving at a long Ottoman "Try and be a bit imaginative" he sez as E left us "Wow", sez Terry, "What a place Hay? look at these bleeding beds" But I wern't interested in beds, I was rummaging through the great chest, a nice lot a stuff in there alright, "Here" I sez ter Terry "Look, a Druids outfit!" "Hmm" he sez doubtfully, "wouldn't be dead imaginative would it me as a druid?" "No", I agreed, but it udd be apropriate. "How about you" E sez. "I dunno" I sez "never ever thought a meself as anything other than a painter," "E yar ow about a clown" "No!" I sez emphatically, "I'll ave this, a king!", I sez, "I can see meself as a king!" "Right!" he sez, "I think I'll stick with the Druid thing, t'aint imaginative but I'm comfy with it." So we got ourselves all dress'd up. I felt very appy as a King, it felt kinda right. "How bout a game a snooker yer highness?" sez Terry, "Right ho! Merlin old son, yer lead the way, I can't remember where the games room was" Nobody else was in the games room, add the place ter ourselves. I couldn't play snooker to good, and I weren't great at keepin the score neither. Terry was brill at it, the balls seem ter love ter obay im. After three games Terry sez "I weren't quite in is class as a snooker player," I din argue, cus it was true! Terry who became an instant retard if yer put a paint brush in is hand add wierd gifts, like is skill with smoke blowing. Now he demonstrated a similar daazzling skill with snooker balls and que. "Ear yar", E sez "I do the Mona Liza in 8 strokes of the que- starting from a break off, of the standard lay out. Sit over there", E sez, "ye'll see better". Well he fairly whizzed round that table, crack, crack, crack, 8 shots at the balls, from three foot away it looked like the usual snooker table jumble, "Oh" I sez sympathetically "Good try Terry old son, better luck next time". "No no", sez Terry "sit over there on that high stool". I sat on the high stool 12 feet away from the table, on the high stool, it was a good ariel view. The Mona Liza smiled enigmatically back at me, Terry grinned, two more shots, he sez, and I'll turn it into the Laughing Cavalier, then I'll finish in one more shot, turning the whole thing into a picture of a cow jumping ovet the moon!" Crack, crack, crack, It was done, it was strange how he could do anything with smoke or snooker balls, the best he could do with a pencil and paper was a stick man. OGS wandered in, "Snooker?" he sez looking at me and Terry, "Can I ave a game" "Ya any good" sez Terry, "I int bad" sez OGS. "Yer on old son" sez Terry appily, "Best a three frames" sez OGS. They set the balls up, tossed fer who should break off. OGS won the toss. OGS broke off with a stunning shot, broke up the reds pocketing one, the white ball rolled obediant as a well train'd sheep dog 12 inches from the black, OGS looked apologetically at Terry, "Sorry old son" E sez, "bit of a fluke that?" Terry grinned happily "S'ok old OGS, all part a the game"- OGS pocketed the rest of the red balls, and a black off each red, that old cue ball was rushing about like an egar pup trying ter please its master, yer could almost see it wagging its tail. Terry was starting ter look a bit restive. "Yer on fer a 147 maximum", he said in a tense voice. OGS pocketed all the colours no problem, the final black was awkwardly placed just short of the middle pocket, "Now," sez OGS, "this looks tricky, hm hm, I know" he sez thinking out loud, "I'll do a round the table job bounce the black ball off 7 cushions and inter the middle pocket." "Can't be done" sez Terry confidently. "I think I'll just try", sez OGS humbly, The black ball bounced off seven cushions, losing speed, it trickled with agonising slowness towards the centre pocket, seem'd to stop altogether on the rim of the pocket for an agonising moment all seem'd lost, then it tumbled in! "Well done old son" sez Terry clapping enthusiastically, I clapped an all. OGS looked really happy like he'd just won the pools, "Bloody Brill", sez Terry, "Best 147 I ever saw." OGS beam'd with joy, Terry and OGS relived every shot for the next 20 minutes, I sat on me high chair thinking that OGS is a bit like a kid really, still I was happy to see him so happy The second game it was Terry's break off, he din pocket a red, but he broke up the pack and got the white ball nicely snookered behind the brown, OGS got out neatly leaving the white ball snug against a cluster a four red balls, The game went on in this fashion for a good long while, a real tussel first OGS ud be in front, then Terry - In the end Terry won on a respotted black. The last frame was vital, the score one all, clearly these two lads add a strong competetive urge - The last frame almost brought to an end civilization as we knew it! OGS broke off, broke up the pack er red, pocketed one red, white rolled up obediently 12 inches from the black, nicely lined up for an easy pot and off fer another maximum, Only OGS got a kick on the white the black skidded across the table screeching like a wounded cat, bounced off the cushion and ran amok through a cluster of reds, Terry grinned happily "Oh bad luck old son" he sez "bad luck". OGS look'd piss'd off "BAH!" he sez, "Bleeding Bahl!" The game then developed into a fascinating contest of skill, both men making brilliant snookers, brilliant escapes, Slowly OGS pulled ahead. Terry 10 points behind came ter the table looking grim and determined, he lined up is shot, feathered a couple a times, was about ter shoot when he suddenly stood bolt upright, "Jesus Christ", he sez, "look at that!" and he pointed at the table. "What? sez OGS, "What?" I sez. "Look" sez Terry "E=MC2 there look! See!" "Oh yes" sez OGS, "Yer right" "Yer", I sez, "Yer quite right Terry old son" "Right", sez OGS, "It's very interesting, but old son it aint gonna help yer, yer ten points behind!" "No", sez Terry looking strange, a little wild about the piggy eyes. "No yer don't understand, look I'll show yer. If I hit the white to break up the "M" that blue there will simultaniously break up the C2, releasing the E right?" "Right" sez OGS. "Right" I sez a bit mystified, "So what?" "So bleeding what!!!" sez Terry, "SO BLEEDING WHAT!!! Yer really don't see do'ya" "No I don't seem ter" I said feeling a bit thick. " If", sez Terry, "I release the E, that stands for energy, them 4 balls making the equal sign will extend ter infinity! Right both ways," Terry was getting very excited, "they'll form a time tunnel see, SEE!! We could wizz down that and watch the bleeding dinasaurs, We could see Napoleon at Waterloo, the possibilities are infinite. A slight change a angle ter the white ball here, if I get the speed right, we could wizz off inter the future - Har Ha Har Ha," Terry began ter laugh wildly, then he got a grip on iself, "Now" he sez "Which is it ter be chaps, PAST or FUCKING FUTURE?" "I'd like ter meet Gaugin", I sez "Paris, January 1889". "RIGHT RIGHT!" sez Terry staring madly and waving his stick in the air, "LETS DO IT" He leans down, took aim, OGS sez "Hang on a minute old son, " he sez "look". OGS pointed ter two balls randomly placed away from the E=MC2 formulae. "Yer?" sez Terry standing up right again, "What about em?" "Well", sez OGS "Agreed if yer strike the ball the way yer said the four balls forming the equall sign would due to the sudden release a energy of E, extend inter infinity and form a time tunnel, BUT!", sez OGS, "them two random balls would both be struck by the fragment of the MC2 breaking up, in other words bleeding Mass, moving at the speed of light in our very own space-time continuum. You see what that would mean?" "Yes" sez Terry thoughtfully. "No" I sez, confused by all this physics. Terry sez "them two random snooker balls moving at the speed a light, bin random and not part of me time tunnel, would expand there Mass ter infinity. See?" "No" I sez "I don't" "What's it mean?" "It means" sez OGS "them two snooker balls ud expand and expand in an instant and become bigger than our galaxy, bin two of them, they'd fight it out, this would take the form of a very big bang, a new universe udd be formed, and the life forms that evolved in that universe would have a life long fear of snooker, having being conceived in a universe who's very existance was caused by a collision of two giant snooker balls, see!" "That's right" sez Terry "Tricky!" "Why don't you fucking move em then?" I asked innocently. "Move em?!" sez Terry and OGS in sinc "Yer, move em!" "Christ" sez Terry "it's a possibility," "Whatyathink, OGS"? "Yer" he sez doubtfully, "but how? That's the question HOW?" "Well" sez Terry "It looks difficult, but I think maybe a stun shot, on the right hand ball would do the trick, and then We'd be OK for the Time Tunnel", Terry bent down to take the shot, I thought Ho Ho, meet me old mate Gauguin at last, what a treat. "Look" sez OGS "suppose you get a kick or the angle int quite right, ye'll blow up the world, "I DON'T CARE" shouts Terry staring madly at the table waving is stick about, "I DON'T CARE, I gotta try, it's worth the risk". "Risk?" I sez looking at OGS, "Risk? Blow up the world?" "Galaxy actually old son" Sez OGS sadly. Terry was laughing wildly. He got a grip on iself again took aim. He looked interestingly mad, OGS looked old and sad, "Oh well" I thought, "never mind", and I scatter'd the E=MC2 all over the table with me hand, and picked up the white ball. Terry froze, he stood like a statue, bent over the table snooker cue drawn back, no balls left ter aim at. OGS grinned "Wow!" he sez, "that was close!" Terry moved iself irect like a clockwork man. He layed the snooker que on the table. He looked dazed, he blink'd a few times. Seem'd ter come back ter iself, "Christ", he said, "I'd a dun it, I'd a risk'd distroying the world I would, I dunno what came over me, it was like I din care about nothing else no more, only making that shot, see if I could do it, see if it'd work, Christ!" he slumped inter a chair, "Thanks Farly". "S'ok" I sez, "No bother, shame though, I'd a love'd ter ave seen old Gaugin, Ah well!" Terry grinned, "Yer know its quite fun bin a bit mad, "Yer" sez OGS, "I think we could say yer lost that last game!" "No" sez Terry, "Lets say Farly won it!" "Right", sez OGS, "one all" "And all fer one", I sez happily, Terry and OGS looked at me as if I was Mad. "Should've worn the clowns outfit", sez Terry. "Yer, sez OGS. "NO", I sez "I'm an unsung hero I am, I just saved the world". "I think I'd a carried it off", sez Terry. OGS sez "gotta go lads, help organise the jolly old din din." ************************

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